Day 18

I had to stay late on campus doing work tonight and I witnessed something pretty amazing. It appears as though, for security measures, they chain up all of the chairs at night with combination locks.

So... this is what they found the most efficient. In a campus the size of a small town, we are going to chain up all the chairs... with combo locks. Is there someone who knows all of these combinations off the top of their head?
In class, we were looking at various logos to test our recognition of them as a means of understanding branding. When looking at the logo for the Lung Cancer Society:

Someone chimed in "This one looks familiar. It reminds me of Hitler."

Day 17

Today there was almost a cat fight. The Geek very nicely inquired as to whether or not The Squeaky Wheel knew what she was having. Let's be clear:
The Geek: Do you know what you're having?
The Squeaky Wheel: What do you mean? I sent you the lunch menu
The Geek: No no, I mean a boy or a girl.

I know, I know. It's already amazing. But that's not the best part. The best part was her immediate defensive response.

The Geek: No no, I mean a boy or a girl.
The Squeaky Wheel: Whatever, fatty, no one wants to see your tramp stamp!!!

It was awesome.

Day 14

Someone whistled at me today. Like as if it was 1994 and I was a chick walking outside of a strip club, whistled at. At this point, I'll take the compliment.
We are slowly being overloaded with assignments. It's not that they are difficult or anything... just more time consuming... and somewhat degrading based on their simplicity.
The Squeaky wheel leaned across the entire class and asked me "what is the name of that birth control thing... you know, that you get inserted and so you don't have to take the pill?" Dumbfounded. Not because it was such a stupid question, but more because she is more concerned about regular sex than I am.
That wasn't the stupidest question asked... The Broski asked an attractive girl how many calories you would likely burn during sex.

Day 13

The Broski: I'm pretty sure he's Italian, but that might be too diverse to imagine in this single race crowd. He sat in front of me today. His desktop is a picture of him and his 'bro's' at the bar with their tongues out, and he spends all class reading short stories on "tuckermax.com"

I got into a heated debate with Prof Horn Tutor. It was like those times when a drunk guy at the bar wants to discuss politics, and somehow thinks that 'tyranny' and 'Communism' are the same thing and it's useless. This is a pretty annoying thing, but it's almost a hundred times more annoying when that drunk guy is replaced by a professor... in a position of authority. Later that class, he asked if we knew the difference between balance sheet and income statement. The definition he gave was that “one is a snapshot and one is the whole story.” Well that really clears it up.

The Squeaky Wheel asked me if I had ever had the chicken pox. Apparently she has shingles. Again.

The D Bag and I are becoming closer every day. Someone asked Alisha if him and I were an "item" and the Ashley's are hating me more and more as time goes on.

Day 10

Professor Horn Tutor: This dude is out of this world. He pretty much teaches us based on his personal experience, which could be beneficial if he was at all successful. He blames all the world’s problems on the cell phone. I mean that in ever sense of the word. I think he blames natural disasters on mobile devices. Someone was watching a movie on their laptop in class, and he chimed in with “what are you watching? I can’t teach if you’re on your cell phone!” I just don't think that he differentiates between electronics at all, and assumes them all to be cell phones. I can't wait until he comes in to class in a foil hat claiming to block out blackberry data feedback from reading his mind.
We spent today's class discussing his previous job in a lab about mapping the genome. He pronounced “genome” Ja-nome, like jabroni. He said it 19 times in a 5 minute presentation. I counted. He also says “laboratory” like Dexter from Dexter’s lab.
Professor Business School is wearing a Navy shirt with charcoal pants. I am not yet sure if this is acceptable. I am calling GQ.

Day 8

I was tired this morning and decided to wear my university hoodie to class. I should point out that my university has somewhat of a rivalry with this college. I collected a wonderful amount of death stares while marching through the halls.

Today was super interesting. The D bag came into class and sat directly beside me. LT is climbing the social ranks. Soon after him, entered both the Britney's and The Ashely's, who were immediately distraught by this new seating arrangement. The Britney's say in front of me, and the Ashely's directly behind. Ashely's chimed in "What's going on? Are you mad at us?" The D-bag hardly responded and the class went on.
We had a quiz, and The D-bag and I worked together (he copied me) and we got a 95%. (Dammit, my ego-necessary 100% was already slipping). A regular high school love story, the popular guy sitting with the smart girl and copying her work.
I assisted a Britney with her assignment, and figured she might not hate me as much anymore. She does.
While walking to the parking lot with my hood on, I could hear the Ashely's chatting behind me. "What's with D-bag? Why is he mad? He was bitchy over BBM. I guess noooow he wants to sit with his nnnnnnnneewww friend."
Amazing... I am shaking up the status quo and the Ashley's can't take it.

Day 7

I decided to get a locker today so that I can bring a lunch to school and not have to carry it around all day. Well, they tricked me and gave me a locker a good 15 minutes away from my classes. It also didn't help that the locker numbers aren't in order and I did an extra few laps around the building looking for it.

I read one of the the textbooks. Yes... the entire textbook. It had large print and a lot of bright pictures. The most meaty section was the business case. It was for a new band and was to highlight the different between that which we want to sell, and what will sell. The band wanted to play emo music, so they had to decide whether or not this would be beneficial, based on the fact that emo music was only liked by a small market. Case: Should we play emo music?

Case number two: what went wrong? Two partners, Jones and Rose start a soft drink company attempting to revamp soft drinks to make them healthier. They created a comprehensive business plan and stuck to it. Unfortunately, even though they had a large profit margin, and were selling their drinks off the shelves, they lost money. They marketed well and were competing well. Also, Rose was embezzling. What went wrong?
ANY IDEAS, ANYONE?!!!

Day 6

This morning someone wished me a "Top of the mountain."

Over the weekend, The D Bag added me to facebook. I am slowly climbing the social ranks.

I wanted to test how smart people thought I was, so i decided to answer a question totally wrong and see if anyone bought it. We were asked if anyone knew the difference between Citibank and Citigroup. I decided to respond as follows: "Well they are two separate entities, but sit under the same umbrella. One covers the actual bank, while the other covers the outside parts such as insurance. It's the same as RBC and RBC Insurance, the same entity, and yet two in dependant organizations." ... Not a single correct statement in that entire explanation.
Prof's response? "Very good! Thank you for clearing that up."

Professor Business School is an anomaly. He is a grad of my university's prestigious and pretentious business school, and yet, today he was wearing black with navy and doesn't have a corporate haircut.

Today, I met some new classmates. The Couple: a guy and a girl in a long term and very loving relationship. They are quiet and seem very nice. They reached out to the class via e-mail to see if anyone needed groups. Alicia and I bit and are now in groups with them. They dislike The Squeaky Wheel and aren't excited that she is going to be leaching onto us.

I signed up for campus speed dating. :) Let the great experiment continue...

Day 5

Class starts at 8 am. I have yet to see daylight. I had just exact change to pay the parking entrance, but the machine ate one of my quarters and I could not get into the lot. The stream of angry 8 am class attendees waited in vain while I rummaged through my center console for another quarter. Good start.
Walking through the hallways, I noticed the wonderful decorations. Bristol board projects displayed all over the walls. They are very proud of the studious cohorts.
I made it in time to get a tea before class. While waiting in line, the girls surrounding me were discussing the best remedy for diaper rash. This doesn’t surprise me based on the three ads in the back of the college handbook; police force recruiting, recruiting for low level jobs at my old company, and teen pregnancy hotlines.
We aren’t allowed to eat in class. I hope we can chew gum and wear hats.
Ashley came by and complimented my laptop. It felt like the scene in mean girls when Lohan’s character is scouted by Regina George. Only I am welcoming Regina with open arms, and totally willing to ditch my Janice Ian, aka The Squeaky Wheel.
The D Bag and I were chatting in a group, and he seems to have befriended me. He even bragged to the rest of the group jokingly that “we go way back.”

One of my professors used "most boringest" in a sentence.

It's finally the weekend.

Day 4

Our shortest day in the week. Today for a "Live Client" presentation we have a special class in the campus lecture theater. It appeared to be built sometime in the 1800's. On the front door, there was a huge "No Smoking" sign.
The chairs felt like the beds in holding cells, and were pale orange and had all sorts of clever graffiti on them such as "Fuck you" and "Suck it."
A woman made a presentation about her experience with breast cancer, and the students spent the entire time text messaging.
The Brittany's were talking about Alicia and I and we were dying to know what they were saying. I might have to handle them the way I handled girls when I was in high school...
The night before, I Facebook messaged a select few guys from the class asking if they wanted to be in a group with me, one of them being The Douche Bag. No one responded, but Douche Bag did approach me and mention that he might be willing to be in a group with me, and not to be shy because everyone in the program was nice. Maybe if I had a penis, the bitchy girls would be nicer.
Class is over.
The Professors have voted. We are going on strike...
Might not even see it as far as Day 5.

Day 3

I awoke to text messages from Alicia. She had also red flagged The Squeaky Wheel. They had been chatting online the night before. This was her story: “I used to be friends with Ashley. She told me to switch to her section because we lived near each other and could carpool. Then she got a boob job and started wearing designer labels and hangs out with the cool kids, so she won’t talk to me. Also, we have never carpooled.” Fuck our Lives.
Class now is from Professor Tarintino. He only has that nickname because he looks exactly the same as Quinten. We were told by The Cute Girls that this professor was ‘hot.’ Infer what you will. Professor Tarintino is your average “cool guy in an uncool role.” He is under 30, and has told us about 15 times so far that he doesn’t have facebook because it was take away from the time he wants to spend writing music, playing with his band, kiteboarding and cottaging. He also gave us her personal cell number in case we can’t make it to class one time.
Professor Tarintino also seems to think he is an economist, and a radical. When discussing off the cuff, a new mobile provider, we busted into a conversation of split level marketing. Wind mobile was the new launch. But alas, it cannot function as it cannot afford to build its own towers, and the current companies are refusing to lease the space. Someone mentioned this being the job of the Canadian government. Tarintino’s genius response: “*sarcasm* hmm, it would seem as though the Canadian government is facilitating a monopolistic market *cough* the LCBO *cough.*” A cough sentence? From a Professor? Not to mention how off base the entire remark was. Feeling smarter than a professor, especially when you know nothing of the subject... brutal.

Day 2

Alicia and I took our place at our desks, and continued to scout potential group members. We were approached by The Geek. Geek is an unnatural redhead (yes, a ginger by choice) with glasses and bad skin. She seemed nice enough and was the first to make contact, so we welcomed her with open arms. She let us know that she was actually in her 5th year of this 3 year program. So she had the experience to offer? Someone help us.
The Cute Girls (The Blonde and The Brunette): The Blonde is chattier, and very sweet. The Brunette is quiet, but not in a bad way. We spoke to these two and loved them. Normal, down to earth, smart enough.
Professor Business School: Class one is taught by a recent graduate of my university’s business school. Mutual friends. Brutal.
Alicia and I decided to ask the cute girls to join us in groups and were immediately rejected. Ouch.
Next class is taught by Professor Shorthair. Your average overachieving, overly intense, takes her job too seriously, punishes the students for the people mean to her in college, lesbian. This one could go either way.
The Squeaky Wheel: Alicia and I met her when going to the helpdesk to have the course software installed on our computers. She seemed nice enough, knew the classmates, and promised intelligence. Score. We all went together for lunch, Alicia and I embracing our new friend and potential group member. Well after our appetizer, it seemed as though The Squeaky Wheel could be a problem. She had some sort of snide remark referring to every single member of our program, had to switch sections to avoid professors that had been a previous problem for her, had a personal issue with Professor Shorthair, and had to have all of her assignments re-graded, and had also done every assignment solo while everyone else was in a group. Red Flag.
The Brittany’s laughed at something on my desktop from class.
All of the professors have poor grammar.

Day 1

I’m lost. I found the parking lot, and after 25 minutes of reading big red signs, I made it to my classroom with an XL coffee in hand. I was the first person in the room, soon followed by Alicia. We were now given the opportunity to view and judge every single person to come into the room. That partnered with quick introductions facilitated by our professor.
The Ashleys: All of you Recess fans must be saying “surely you are joking,” but alas, I am not. They are exactly what they sound like. A group of girls sharing the same first name. The ones in the most expensive clothing, and with the fanciest haircuts.
The Brittany’s: I think only one of them is actually names Brittany, but in my mind, they are a single entity. Bitchy. Enough said
The D bag: He’s tall and has a shaved head. He thinks he is slick. I don’t hate him, in fact he reminds me of my friends.
The Geek: She must be smart, right?
There were a whole bunch of others, but these are the first to stand out. Alicia and I trekked onto our second class, and became distressed after hearing that for every class, we would need to be in various sized groups for all of our assignments. We had to work with these people.

Orientation

Simple enough. The day to meet the program organizer and anyone else starting this term with me. The slew of people that I expected to meet was nothing more than one other girl. She was in the exact same situation as me, and a university grad as well. Alicia. Smart, cute, and a hockey fan. *fist pump.* The other girl in my situation was a practical mirror image, even down to us having the same haircut. The keeper of my sanity.

Introduction

This is the true story about a university graduate attending college.
My name is LT. I have spent the last 22 years of my life overachieving. That’s not to say that I didn’t slack. In fact, I spent a good amount of my time enjoying my youth and doing what was necessary, but still always sat above the curve. After destroying high school, off I went to university. Of course, this was a big shock, as now I was on a level playing field. Post 4 years of university, I applied to law school. This did not work out in my favour, and I was encouraged to take a year off to either work, or advance my studies, and then reapply for the next academic year. So I did. I spent a half a year working in a sales job in the city home to my university. But alas, the real world scared me, and I decided to apply to the college within the city. Let me first explain the difference between Canadian colleges and universities. In order to avoid sounding like an asshole, I found an explanation of the difference online:
Colleges
Colleges of applied arts and technology have full-time and part-time diploma and certificate programs. Many also offer Bachelor degrees in applied areas of study.

Colleges tend to be more directly career-oriented than universities.

Universities
Universities are institutions that can grant degrees. All universities have undergraduate (bachelor's) degrees, and many have graduate (Master's and doctoral) programs. Universities in Ontario are independent. Although they receive funding from the Ministry of Training, Colleges and Universities, each institution is self-governing and regulates its own programs, admissions and faculty.

Many universities also offer professional programs, such as medicine, dentistry and law. In some cases, you can begin these programs after 2 or 3 years of undergraduate study.
source: http://www.settlement.org/sys/faqs_detail.asp?faq_id=4001136
At the risk of sounding pretentious, college is the more practical, and somewhat lower level of higher education. Point being, I am smarter than everyone at college.
Criticize me as you will, I can take it. So after applying to a marketing program at college, here I am. I quit my job, and have jumped from a working university grad, to a college student. Because of my degree, I am starting mid-year of the last year or a 3 year program. Everyone else here is in semester 5 of 6 (3 years) and I am in semester one. This is the story of my experience at college.